The essence of love is a concern for the welfare of the other.
Love is essentially an expression of our higher nature. The lower triangle, being a creature of needs and desires, is concerned about the satisfaction of personal needs. It's oriented toward getting, rather than giving.
Human beings respond positively to the love of other people. But such love must be behaviourally expressed, such as a kind word, a smile, a touch, a hug, a praise, a phone call, an inconvenient help, or a gift. Spontaneous appreciation and geninue concern of others' wellbeing are the noble characters of true love or caring.
Genuine listening is the most basic act of love and caring. It means we are ready to understand another person unconditionally. To understand doesn't mean to agree. Every conversation is an opportunity for the expression of caring or appreciation. To listen genuinely to someone is one of the deepest affirmations of their importance. When we extend this capacity to truly listen to anyone we meet, we begin to have a taste of what unconditional love really is. [I highly doubt unconditionally love exist. I even don't think it should exist. You reap what your sow. It makes more sense.]
Quality time doesn't mean just spending time with a person. It means we are enjoying the time with the person. It means we appreciate the person. [can we learn anything from this definition? can we choose to enjoy or not to enjoy? can we choose to appreciate, to care, to love? they all happen naturally. either it is there or it is not there. Any will power is fake manipulation. "fake it until you make it". probably worthy to give a try before reject the idea.]
The enjoyment of the activity together is the essence of quality time. The same mind-set groups, or religious sects or the equivalent minds in the same field can produce more quality time than family members. [ couples grow apart. parents and children follow the same path. those repeat days and nights in front of dinner table may have "quality time" but not "quality life". ] Why at times we give our clostest ones the lowest priority? Probably we are driven by fear not by love or we are close to them but no longer dear to them. [We have to do whatever takes to survive before we can be our best selves]
When we are engrossed in our own needs and desires, we are blind to the needs and feelings of others. The feelings of impatience, anger and defensiveness or being occupied with thoughts about work, worries need to be processed.
Love has no fear, perfect love cast out all fear. [love never fails. love heals. ] Love has firmness as much as it has clarity and kindness.
Attachment is an expression of our need. It is the call of the self-centered lower self and is distinct from love. Appreciation is different from attachment. It gives freedom to enjoy time together without feeling miserable when apart.
A person means something to us at any moment. This is the essence of our appreciation of the person. When they are with us, this appreciation manifests as an inclination to express something to the person or do something for them or do something together with them. The full experiencing of this feeling give completness of the interaction. After the interaction ,there is no remnant yearning or desire for repetition of the experience or the presence after wards.
can love really be unconditional- given without any expectation for self? is that possible in practical life? are we still human beings when we love without any expectation from the other?
unconditional love can have relationship expectations but not egocentric expectations. Relationship expectations are due to perceived duties of the other party arising out of the relationship agreed upon.
The keys to unconditional ove are two:
When we deeply explore the nature of appreciation, compassion, caring and loving, we begin to discover that what is called love is a kind of radiation from our inner being. Love is essentially nonselective but when filtered through our personality, we feel preferences and favoritisms. It's like the sun that shines on all, or like the blossom that given out its perfume to all.
Love is essentially transcendent and not personal. It is the natural emanation of that spiritual nature within us that feels our nonseparatedness with others. [I only have head knowledge and acceptance to this idea. ]