我的同事 Debbie
我的同事Debbie是个离婚的中年妇女。为人热情,风趣。我们每天都会说说笑话,开开心。
1) 3月底我要乘邮轮到加勒比海度假的前一天,我收到 Debbie 发给我的一封邮件: “Please send me the link so that I can monitor while you are sunbathing.” What?
我想了半天才领悟到她指的是 “monitor” Rep. Barney Frank. 我那天早上给她转发了一封关于 Barney Frank谈及我们公司的命运的邮件。Debbie 很厌恶 Barney Frank, 她觉得 Barney从朋友变成了敌人,需要关注他的动向。
2) 有一天,我们division 的一个部门主任Derrick 来找我查数据。他走后, Debbie 跟我说:“C, 下次把 Derrick 送到我这里来,he is cute!” Derrick 长得高大,健壮。看来这类的男子都讨普天下的女子喜欢。
另一天,我 告诉 Debbie :“Derrick 要派 Jeremy 到我这里来找些资料,你要我送他到你哪里吗?” “Is he cute?” “I don’t know, you have to judge it by yourself.” 我答。等 Jeremy 走后,我问 Debbie:“Should I send him to you next time?” “No, keep him to yourself, he is old!” Debbie答 。 哈!
3) Debbie兼管部门的Budget 。 上个月,Debbie告诉我部门新招了两位主管:一个叫 Manny, 另一个叫 Marty 。 “ That’s great! We’ve got M&M.” 我答。
4) 有一天, Debbie 和两个别组的同事一起吃午饭。其间,一位女生问道: “ Is Kevin married? He is so handsome.” “No. ” Kevin 是我们的主管。那位女生又问道 : “ Does Kevin have kids? He is so cute! ” “Nope. ” Debbie 又答 。
Debbie 后来跟我学话: “What am I supposed to tell her? Kevin has a ‘friend’ but he has not come out of the closet?” 我庆幸自己没有多嘴多舌。我刚刚转到这个组时,注意到 Kevin 的桌上总是摆放得整整齐齐,一尘不染。一叠叠的文件似乎用了尺子量好摆放着。跟人握手后会用 hand sanitizer 净手。我觉得 K 和一般的男子不一样。果真猜中了。 K 是我曾经有过的主管中最公平,最讲理的人之一。
5) Debbie 有时会跟我说她 dating 的事。她有个原则,即不和已婚男子约会。虽说她离了婚,但是她尊重婚姻。如果遇到这类男子,她会说 : “Separated? Are you using me to get back to your wife? Get your a** back to your wife! ”
6) Debbie 经常和我们主管一起参加部门头头们的会议。部门 big boss 吹说她买了新车,每天停得远远的,占了两个车位, 这样车就不容易给碰到。过了一个月, big boss 拿到一张公司 security 发的 ticket: “If you park in two spaces again, your car will be towed away. ” Big boss 不敢再占两个车位了。过了一阵子,听说她的车门给碰了。。。
7) 我有时周末累得荒,周一上班时晕乎乎的。Debbie说我:“C, You really need to take care of yourself and stop ‘non-productive stress’! ” 我说请她做我的 mentor 。 Debbie 回话: “First you need to get rid of kids, house then hu*****and! LOL. ”
Two jokes I heard on the Cruise two months ago:
Blond Joke (ZT)
Two blondes were sitting out on the porch swing one summer night staring up at the sky. After a few minutes one asks the other, "Which do you think is closer sugar, the Moon or Texas?" The second turns to the first and snaps, "Hello! Which one can you see?!"
Life begins at (ZT)A doctor, a Catholic priest and a rabbi are discussing "when human life begins".
Doctor: "Life begins at birth"
Catholic priest: "No, no, NO! Life begins at conception!"
Rabbi: "You're both wrong; life begins when the kids leave home and the dog dies."
版权日光岩所有,传播不究, 翻印严究