前几天在 疏影笑寒 Grandma 那篇短文下我建议说：“好文章不是写出来的，而是改出来的”。一篇东西写完后如果连续好几天来来回回反复推敲修改的话，最后的成文会比一蹴而就的文字强百倍，自己这样推敲一篇东西的所得，更是会比“一挥而就写作文”多百倍。妖妖灵说想看看实例，那就以我自己的这篇中译英“孤独”前几段的初稿为例，修改、剖析一番：
Part 1 初稿：
先看看本人一蹴而就的中译英初稿，然后在 Part 2 里修改、并解释一下修改的原因和道理。
先说一个小窍门：现学现用。象这样一篇写“孤独”的文字，孤独的概念自然会反复出现。所以无论是自己写这个题目的作文还是翻译，在动笔之前，最好先检索一下关于孤独的各种不同英文表达，Google: synonyms of alone，你一下子就看到了好几十个不同的表述法，其中不少可能是你知道的，但是在关键时刻你未必就能不仅脱口而出，而且用得语法上正确、词义上贴切；也有些可能是你好像知道、却又不太肯定其确切定义、用法或动词介词搭配的。把这些近义词语都好好看看、琢磨一下、体会一下含义或用法上的区别，你动笔时就不会写 105遍 "alone"了，而且提升了你对这一大批英语语汇的理解。
《一个人最贵的奢饰品是什么？》
What Is the Finest of All Luxuries?
(1) 孤独让一个人出众，而不是不合群，造就了很多人赢在了不象别人！
Solitude helps one stand out, rather than alienate him from the crowd. It's helped many succeed by making them different.
(2) 人生在世，每人都会尝遍寂寞的滋味。有人说，人是越长大越孤单，于是我们忍不住用各种各样的方式填满生活中的空白，赶赴一场又一场的热闹。在觥筹交错间寻找被需要的快乐，但生活更多的是自己一个人过。
In the turbulence that is life, everyone has experienced the pain of loneliness. Some have lamented that loneliness grows with age. We therefore feel the urge to fill every little moment of our life with something. We seek out one excitement after another. We yearn for the satisfaction of being needed at all the wining and dining. But mostly, alone is how one has to live his or her life.
(3) 一个人独处时懂得自我要求，不放纵自己，不容易受外界诱惑干扰，守得住自己的内心。
Being by oneself demands that one exercise restraint, refrain from overindulgence, and resist external temptation by holding onto one's true self.
(4) 让一个人出众的从来都是靠这样东西：你害怕孤独吗？《你的孤独虽败尤荣》一书中说：曾经我认为，孤独是世界上只剩自己一个人。现在我认为，孤独是自己居然就能成为一个世界，深以为然，我们都活得很孤独。
Here's something that will always make you stand out in a crowd. Do you dread loneliness? As is said in Your Seclusion in Defeat Does You Credit, I once believed that solitude is to have nobody but oneself in the world. Now I am convinced that solitude is how one can create a world all by oneself. Yes, indeed! On our own, that's how we all live.
Part 2. 修改及理由：
初稿，一般都比较糙。口头陈述、口译当然都是现场“一锤子买卖”，说、翻出来什么样就是什么样了。但在工作中写了什么东西、或笔译的文件需要发给大家看的话，“文如其人”，文字太糙，即便你工作做得还不错，给人的印象当然就会比较差。尤其是在学习英语写作的阶段，通过修改其实远比攥写初稿可以学到更多的东西。
《一个人最贵的奢饰品是什么？》
What Is the Finest of All Luxuries?
(1) 孤独让一个人出众，而不是不合群，造就了很多人赢在了不象别人！
Solitude helps one stand out, rather than alienate him one from the crowd. him 与前面的 one 显然不统一，理当保持一致。
It's helped many succeed by making them different. --》 It has helped many succeed by allowing them to be different. 这篇文字刚开头，文风还不明确， it's 显得太随意，未必是原作者的风格，所以还是保险起见，正式些， It has......
making them different 的说法有问题： solitude 本身并不会 make someone different，而是让他有机会通过独处去独立思考、产生不同的想法、或行为及决策。所以用 allow them to be different 比原先的说法更靠谱。
(2) 人生在世，每人都会尝遍寂寞的滋味。有人说，人是越长大越孤单，于是我们忍不住用各种各样的方式填满生活中的空白，赶赴一场又一场的热闹。在觥筹交错间寻找被需要的快乐，但生活更多的是自己一个人过。
In the turbulence that is life, everyone has experienced the pain of loneliness. Some have lamented that loneliness grows with age. We therefore feel the urge to fill every little moment of our life with something in one way or another. "用各种各样的方式" 应该指的是 way, 所以说 in one way or another 比 with something 更确切。
We seek out one excitement after another. We yearn for the satisfaction of being needed at all the wining and dining. But mostly, alone is how one has to live lead his or her life. 用 lead 代替 live，避免与 （4） 里的 live 重复。
(3) 一个人独处时懂得自我要求，不放纵自己，不容易受外界诱惑干扰，守得住自己的内心。
Being by oneself demands that one exercise restraint, refrain from overindulgence, and resist external temptation by holding onto one's true self.
(4) 让一个人出众的从来都是靠这样东西：你害怕孤独吗？《你的孤独虽败尤荣》一书中说：曾经我认为，孤独是世界上只剩自己一个人。现在我认为，孤独是自己居然就能成为一个世界，深以为然，我们都活得很孤独。
Here's something that will always make you stand out in a crowd. Do you dread loneliness? As is said in Your Seclusion in Defeat Does You Credit, I once believed that solitude is to have nobody but oneself in the world. Now I am convinced that solitude is how one can create a world all by oneself. Yes, indeed! On our own, that's how we all live. That is how we all live --- On our own. 原句的句型与 （2）最后一句的句型重复了，这两个句子的内容也差不多，所以起码应该尽量避免句型和用词的重复。除了排比句，短文中最好避免同一个句型来回出现，减少重复感，这样读起来不容易让人觉得枯燥无趣。
这才改了第一遍，就揪出这么多不足之处。除了这些，肯定还有不少值得商榷推敲的地方。如果明天、后天、大后天再反复回来看，很可能每次又都会发现新的问题、对哪句话的表达方式又有新的想法，于是又有了第三稿、第四稿。。。。。。
这样的反复推敲修改，做起来有点儿费脑子、费时间，但是通过多思考，多尝试不同的表述方法，勤动手查证，来回改，真能学到很多东西，练好英文写作。
出国后定居工作，我们老中往往干活儿不输给人家，但是在口头和笔头表达、陈述能力方面，却往往吃很多亏，尤其是与印度等国的新移民相比，干活不仅不比人差，还往往比人家更用心、周到、出力。但是到了论功行赏时，我们却因为沟通能力不行，往往得不到我们应得的认可和晋升、薪酬。提供英语写作能力，实际上提高的是你的总体英语水平，包括对语汇的驾驭能力、口头表达能力、语气的把握能力等。试想，写作时你有充足的时间和办法来思考、组织自己的想法、斟字啄句。如果都写作时表述都成问题的话，口头陈述时你极少有时间思考组句，再加上上台时的紧张，你的 presentation 能强过你的写作吗？
所以认真练习英文写作，比你在工作上花同样的时间和努力，会让你受益更多。
Part 3. 第二稿完整版：
《一个人最贵的奢饰品是什么？》
What Is the Finest of All Luxuries?
(1) 孤独让一个人出众，而不是不合群，造就了很多人赢在了不象别人！
Solitude helps one stand out, rather than alienate one from the crowd. It has helped many succeed by allowing them to be different.
(2) 人生在世，每人都会尝遍寂寞的滋味。有人说，人是越长大越孤单，于是我们忍不住用各种各样的方式填满生活中的空白，赶赴一场又一场的热闹。在觥筹交错间寻找被需要的快乐，但生活更多的是自己一个人过。
In the turbulence that is life, everyone has experienced the pain of loneliness. Some have lamented that loneliness grows with age. We therefore feel the urge to find one way or another to fill every little moment of our life. We seek out one excitement after another. We yearn for the satisfaction of being needed at all the wining and dining. But mostly, alone is how one has to lead his or her life.
(3) 一个人独处时懂得自我要求，不放纵自己，不容易受外界诱惑干扰，守得住自己的内心。
Being by oneself demands that one exercise restraint, refrain from overindulgence, and resist external temptation by holding onto one's true self.
(4) 让一个人出众的从来都是靠这样东西：你害怕孤独吗？《你的孤独虽败尤荣》一书中说：曾经我认为，孤独是世界上只剩自己一个人。现在我认为，孤独是自己居然就能成为一个世界，深以为然，我们都活得很孤独。
Here's something that will always make you stand out in a crowd. Do you dread loneliness? As is said in Your Seclusion in Defeat Does You Credit, I once believed that solitude is to have nobody but oneself in the world. Now I am convinced that solitude is how one can create a world all by oneself. Yes, indeed! That is how we all live --- By ourselves, on our own.