The world in a puddle
A puddle
tiny and shiny
in the sun
in the middle of a muddy trail
A puddle
passed by hikers
who rush towards the snow-covered summit
countless steps
countless splashes
A puddle
halts an exhausted hiker
He kneels, bends, and stares at the puddle
He sees young meadow
aged forest
graphite mount
and its snow-white peak
shining in the blue sky
inspiration © 2 days ago
Likes （3）
Likes: Sand Singer, Simon Hosken, S. SharpeTo reply, click a comment.
Simon Hosken - Not only is this first rate - but the sort of poem I would like to have written - my only qualm (forgive!) is that 1 or 2 of the lines are unnecessary or that the poem could have been a little tighter - but without doubt - what can I say
a day ago
xxx - Thank you, Simon, your encouraging words and sincere feedback, could you specify which lines are undesirable? Thanks in advance
a day ago
Simon Hosken - It's hard to say which lines are undesirable, but if you will allow, I understand your history. You are writing in the style of the ancients when your country were the greatest in the world. The only difference between this poem and one of theirs is, not so much the use of cliche - the snow-covered mountain - but, essentially - it may sound stupid - but there are too many words. If I were to offer advice, rather than be specific about which words, I would beg you to think of your pieces as shining, sharp diamonds onto which, unfortunately, you have poured a little oil.
a day ago
xxx - Really appreciate your insightful feedback, i need to think hard to remove the grease, very likely true i subconsiously follow the ancient, somewhat being lazy. Thanks Simon!24 hours ago x edit
S. Sharpe - nice both on attentiveness and reflection of the beauty in anything and everything
2 days ago
xxx - Thank you, Sharpe, your words are truly inspiring